Tell Me the Truth About Love: 13 Tales from Couples Therapy
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- Create Date：2022-05-15 00:51:47
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Susanna Abse
- ISBN：1529107334
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Summary
'A must-read for everyone wanting to understand more about what makes us fall in - and out - of love' Philippa Perry
A charming， useful， kind book about the pains and hopes of relationships' Alain de Botton
Drawing on over 30 years of therapeutic encounters with people facing hurdles in their love lives， former Chair of the British Psychoanalytic Council Susanna Abse takes us deep inside one of the most fascinating realms there is: other people's relationships。
Candid and captivating， each chapter is inspired by a classic， timeless story。 Parents blow their straw house down; Rapunzel yearns for companionship but remains trapped in her castle。 Couples strive to navigate the fall from Eden， the bitter taste of the poison apple and strangers in their beds。
From dealing with infidelity to navigating our changing role within a single relationship over the course of a lifetime， Tell Me the Truth About Love sheds vivid light on the human heart， and its struggle to both embrace life's greatest gift and protect itself from pain。 Inside， you will find solace， wisdom and unparalleled insight into how， and why， we love。
A charming， useful， kind book about the pains and hopes of relationships' Alain de Botton
Drawing on over 30 years of therapeutic encounters with people facing hurdles in their love lives， former Chair of the British Psychoanalytic Council Susanna Abse takes us deep inside one of the most fascinating realms there is: other people's relationships。
Candid and captivating， each chapter is inspired by a classic， timeless story。 Parents blow their straw house down; Rapunzel yearns for companionship but remains trapped in her castle。 Couples strive to navigate the fall from Eden， the bitter taste of the poison apple and strangers in their beds。
From dealing with infidelity to navigating our changing role within a single relationship over the course of a lifetime， Tell Me the Truth About Love sheds vivid light on the human heart， and its struggle to both embrace life's greatest gift and protect itself from pain。 Inside， you will find solace， wisdom and unparalleled insight into how， and why， we love。
Reviews
Laura Taylor
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A really interesting non-fiction book by Susanna Abse， psychoanalyst。 She bases the book around cases she has gathered， observed and counselled during her career as a therapist。I found the inside look at couples' lives really fascinating - athough sometimes I wished she could have spilled more of the 'gory' details！ I loved the story about Julian and Kristoff and thought that this really exemplifies how we， as humans， carry childhood trauma along with us to adults。 I recognised some patterns in A really interesting non-fiction book by Susanna Abse， psychoanalyst。 She bases the book around cases she has gathered， observed and counselled during her career as a therapist。I found the inside look at couples' lives really fascinating - athough sometimes I wished she could have spilled more of the 'gory' details！ I loved the story about Julian and Kristoff and thought that this really exemplifies how we， as humans， carry childhood trauma along with us to adults。 I recognised some patterns in my own communication style and hope that this awareness might benefit the relationships I have with my partner and children。If everyone can't have a therapist， maybe they should read this book， which may point them to a bit more self-awareness on how our actions in relationships have hugely extending ripple effects。Overall the book was really interesting - a couple of places I wasn't sure the 'reflections on life' connected particularly to the stories they prefaced but maybe that is an English teacher's pickiness！Thanks to the publishers and Netgalley for an advanced release copy in exchange for an honest review。 。。。more
C
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Short and simple read。 I enjoyed the short stories and situations chosen and discussed。 I think they where carefully chosen and thoroughly explained for anyone of any standard knowledge to understand without needing to invest too much time。Thank you to the publishers for sending me this in exchange for an honest review。
Aria Harlow
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This was such an interesting and thought provoking book。 It was so compelling to read the stories laid out in the book and see the struggles that the people had to overcome and how they went about it。 I really enjoyed it。
Joseph
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In Tell Me The Truth About Love， Susanna Abse draws upon thirty-plus years of couples therapy to present thirteen case studies about love， relationships and what makes them go wrong （and sometimes， go right again）。 Abse makes it clear that not only names have been changed， but the stories themselves are fictitious， albeit based on actual experiences。 The book is divided into three sections。 The first speaks of human fragility， and the way in which in love， “we armour ourselves against this fragi In Tell Me The Truth About Love， Susanna Abse draws upon thirty-plus years of couples therapy to present thirteen case studies about love， relationships and what makes them go wrong （and sometimes， go right again）。 Abse makes it clear that not only names have been changed， but the stories themselves are fictitious， albeit based on actual experiences。 The book is divided into three sections。 The first speaks of human fragility， and the way in which in love， “we armour ourselves against this fragility because we are afraid”。 The second section speaks of betrayal – how it rocks the foundations of a relationship but， in some cases， can be followed by healing and a closer bond。 The final segment is about the relationship between couples and their own （or the partners’ respective） children。 The respective sections present case studies in individual chapters， each inspired by a fairytale which hints at the universality of the challenges faced by the couples seeking therapy。Is this a relationship manual？ Not really， and it’s not a self-help book either。 However， it provides some striking insights which should be of value to anyone who is in or has ever been in a relationship with a significant other。 It also found it interesting to follow a psychotherapist “in action” and understand better how this profession works。 There are some poignant moments as Abse shares her satisfaction at a successful session or， on the other hand， the frustration when certain couples terminate their therapy with any sense of “closure”。 There is also a topical element to the book， as Abse shows the added difficulties of therapy over Zoom in the midst of a raging pandemic。I must admit that this is not my usual kind of book， but I found it an engaging， helpful and， ultimately， hopeful read。 https://endsoftheword。blogspot。com/20。。。 。。。more
Tracey Dyson
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Free courtesy of NetgalleyI really found this book fascinating， especially as i have started studying psychology。 Listening to stories about people who go to couples therapy and why， was an insight into people's relationships that you can resonate with。Even though there is no "happy ending" as mostly Susanna doesn't know what happens to the families when they finish therapy。 It was still a delightful book to read。I would definitely recommend this book to read Free courtesy of NetgalleyI really found this book fascinating， especially as i have started studying psychology。 Listening to stories about people who go to couples therapy and why， was an insight into people's relationships that you can resonate with。Even though there is no "happy ending" as mostly Susanna doesn't know what happens to the families when they finish therapy。 It was still a delightful book to read。I would definitely recommend this book to read 。。。more
Nigel
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Briefly - Some interesting stories but not as compelling as some I've read。 3。5/5。 In fullSusanna Abse is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with over 30 years experience。 These are stories about people she has counselled over the years。 They are not actually "true" but are stories that are representative of cases the author has seen over the years。 She does state that they are about patterns of behaviour and problems she has seen many times。 The stories are framed around classic folk tales such a Briefly - Some interesting stories but not as compelling as some I've read。 3。5/5。 In fullSusanna Abse is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with over 30 years experience。 These are stories about people she has counselled over the years。 They are not actually "true" but are stories that are representative of cases the author has seen over the years。 She does state that they are about patterns of behaviour and problems she has seen many times。 The stories are framed around classic folk tales such as Rapunzel， the return of the Prodigal Son， Dan Juan and the like。 The background to the psychoanalytic approach here is Freud and Jung。While the title suggests that this is a book about love it is really about relationships and human interactions。 That actually includes the therapist herself who reflects on the impact her clients have on her。 It is largely about couples therapy。 The opening introduction sets out the outline of this book very nicely。 I did enjoy the opening to each of the parts of this book。 They are straightforward and succinct。 Fragile Bonds， Betrayal and Flesh & Blood are the titles of the parts。 There are then stories about therapy within those overall headings。Ultimately I did find some of the stories interesting and some rather less so。 Having read this it is clear that I would probably not make a good therapist in this psychoanalytical sense。 Susanna's patience with some of her couples was remarkable and， while I can be empathetic， I am not as patient as her。 In a number of the cases the sessions seemed to be very prolonged （and maybe that also affected my level of interest）。 I found her self analysis was frequently interesting。 All in all I think this is possibly better for those with an interest or concern in therapy rather than a more "ordinary" reader。I guess the purported connection with folk stories was unconvincing for me。 It felt more like a concept than anything else。 Over the years I have read other therapy books and some have held my attention more than this one did。 That said I have no regrets about reading this and would suggest it would be something that others with an interest in the field generally might enjoy。Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair reviewhttps://viewson。org。uk/non-fiction/te。。。 。。。more
Lady Fancifull
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Other people’s stories， aligned with myth and fairy tale， interpreted 4。5 rating， raisedI love listening to people’s family stories， perceiving the patterns we weave in our lives， and also， the deep resonance in childhood myths and fairytale。So I was bound to leap at the chance to request this one， and be delighted by it。Susanna Abse is a psychotherapist， who specialises in couple therapy。These are recounting of disguised and conglomerate cases， so confidentiality is protected this way。 What she Other people’s stories， aligned with myth and fairy tale， interpreted 4。5 rating， raisedI love listening to people’s family stories， perceiving the patterns we weave in our lives， and also， the deep resonance in childhood myths and fairytale。So I was bound to leap at the chance to request this one， and be delighted by it。Susanna Abse is a psychotherapist， who specialises in couple therapy。These are recounting of disguised and conglomerate cases， so confidentiality is protected this way。 What she has done， in connecting the type of myth or childhood story which is being presented in specific cases she dealt with， is to be able to merge and slightly change detail which might otherwise give a client a horrid shock， if they should by chance read a case they could clearly identify as their own。As Abse points out， at the heart of fairy tales， transformations are often key。Transformation is often also what brings people to therapy and analysis – suffering and blocks which we need to move through or beyond “The longing for transformation is at the heart of what brings people to therapy。 Just as it is as the heart of the fairy tale， where a happy outcome is achieved only after the central character overcomes huge obstacles and adversity”Obviously， psychotherapy， unlike fairy tale， cannot guarantee ‘happy outcome’， but accommodation and self-realisation， the freeing from the shackles of unaddressed repetition， may be enoughAbse writes most clearly and engagingly。 Like my favourite writer in this genre， Irvin Yalom， Abse reveals the authenticity of her encounters， and picks into the rigorous SELF analysis a practitioner must bring to their work。I’m always fascinated by how the observer affects outcomes – and indeed is part of the outcomes。This is a far cry from therapeutic encounters which seem to view ‘the patient’ as someone to be clinically dissected。 Instead， Abse is warmly engaged with the difficult journeys her clients are on。 Inevitably， some journeys are more happily travelled by the therapist than others， sometimes these clients， and this therapist easier travelling companions than others。A fascinating and engaging read， thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me access to this as a digital ARC 。。。more
Bleu
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Psychotherapist Susanna Abse draws on her thirty-plus years' experience of helping others to explore， understand and improve their relationships。 In this book， she delves into thirteen situations she has encountered， providing insightful details into the workings of the human heart。 She examines how whilst love can be the most meaningful part of our lives， it can also be the most challenging。 To say this is a book that ventures into the depths of the human psyche， it is written in a thoroughly r Psychotherapist Susanna Abse draws on her thirty-plus years' experience of helping others to explore， understand and improve their relationships。 In this book， she delves into thirteen situations she has encountered， providing insightful details into the workings of the human heart。 She examines how whilst love can be the most meaningful part of our lives， it can also be the most challenging。 To say this is a book that ventures into the depths of the human psyche， it is written in a thoroughly readable style。 Abse doesn't labour on the specifics of the couples or their relationships。 She describes that doing so invalidates the confidential and free-speaking nature of therapy; it isn't a tell-all。 It does make sense- after all， they are narratives of real people's lives- instead collating these loose facts around her clients to reinforce the point be emphasised。 While this could， for some， feel like it doesn't expand enough， it makes for a lighter tone。 Throughout， Abse uses a respectful but clear view of her clients and their experiences。 She shares her own feelings on them， recognising that there isn't always a neat ending to the sessions。 For the couples mentioned， there is a good balance of happy endings， amicable separations and sudden stops。 Abse follows a Freudian approach in her therapy style。 There are frequent mentions of his works， as well as this being a common direction taken in the sessions- these being discussions of childhood trauma， experiences and memories- then considering how these mirror or impact the client's current situation。 I was perplexed by the occasional reference to a 'fairy tale' tone being incorporated into the book's structure。 While it can be said that some of the couple's stories feature elements of these classic tales， they are loose comparisons。 For example， describing a client as 'Rapunzel' just because she has long hair。 There are some links drawn to the feeling of being trapped but， as with other comparisons， it isn't one you'd notice without someone else highlighting it。 Also， the cover is fantastic。 。。。more
Emma Hardy
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An interesting and carefully chosen sample of couples used in this read with a thoughtful insight。 Did expect a bit more， although I appreciate the author at the end apologies for the odd lack of detail- I think I am just too nosey！
Sam
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As both a counsellor and a human being I learnt a lot from this generous collection of vignettes on love。 I particularly appreciated the difference in behaviours in clients when they are on Zoom instead of in the therapist's office。 The lack of an embodied experience made it easier for the couples to act out。 I also loved the discussions around projection and projective identification。 Susanna， the author， is so honest and fully present in all the encounters without any of the grandiosity that y As both a counsellor and a human being I learnt a lot from this generous collection of vignettes on love。 I particularly appreciated the difference in behaviours in clients when they are on Zoom instead of in the therapist's office。 The lack of an embodied experience made it easier for the couples to act out。 I also loved the discussions around projection and projective identification。 Susanna， the author， is so honest and fully present in all the encounters without any of the grandiosity that you find in Irving Yalom's case studies。 I feel this accessible collection transcends the genre it is written in。 。。。more
Angela Thompson
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